Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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