you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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