Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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