just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
