Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
