Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Who died my cat blue again?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
