i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
