so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
