Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
