whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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