I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
