my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
