I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
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I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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