so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
