as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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