Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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