so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
