so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
