So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
