we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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