Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
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He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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