Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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