I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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