Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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