Swine flu. Run for my life!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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