I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
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He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize