I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
