You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
