he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
