whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
