I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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