I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
