Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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