Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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