Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
