Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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