apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
