I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
