I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
