I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
