i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
