Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
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I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
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An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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