either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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