Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
