This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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