Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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