Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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