im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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