I cockslap morals
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
