I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
