It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
