I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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