I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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