is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
