i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
