We won't sleep together?
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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