Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
