help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
