This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
