Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize