okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
