You smell like stripper and shame
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
