pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
