i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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