You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
