Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize