and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
