I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
